Finding Yourself

So who are you?

The answer to that question defies mere physical description.  It is more than a recitation of accomplishments, degrees, pedigree, career or possessions.  It is a matter of character, and character is a reflection of ones' moral thinking- it is the spirit of who you are and how you act upon the world.  We all develop an unspoken code of behavior.  Some of this behavior is selfish an effort to justify what we want reality to be, other parts are image management, informed by how we want others see us, for some spiritual awareness directs us.

As a young man, I was much too smart for God, no, that was just a psychological crutch for the unenlightened.  Such sophomoric agnosticism is typical in our ultra-independent society so I was hardly alone in my blindness.  It's really quite embarrassing to reflect on this period when I was so falsely self-assured, trying to "find myself".  Intellectually dishonest is the nicest thing I can say about that stage of my life.  Alas, we all struggle through stages of willful ignorance, confused by the uninformed masses and the boldness of the blind.  We learn "to gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard." (Allen Ginsberg).

All of our faux intellectualism is an effort to justify ourselves. Our sciences a facade to explain away what God already knows. Our posturing is an attempt to elude a God and usurp his sovereignty with our own earthbound rationalizations. But we cannot run far or fast enough to evade He who is truly on the Throne.

We don't need to seek out a guru, self-help book or latest fancy of the masses to find ourselves. When we are still and opened, our voice presents itself and comes in tune to the true God. That God is not us, and when our pride is stripped away we can find our place, but we cannot find ourselves for we were meant to be selfless. We are not without our own voice, personality or giftedness but more dependent on each other than we would like to admit.